I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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