i barfeds in our rink
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
