I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
