I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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