your parents love me but you hate me
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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