Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
