Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
