I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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