you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
