In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
