Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
