Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
