i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
