So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
