That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
