I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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