the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
