I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do herpes really smell.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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