Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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