Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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