Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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