I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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