I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
