I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
