Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
