She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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