dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
