she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
