Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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