you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
