So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
