Porn is love you can see.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
