One girl and one boy is just not enough.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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