I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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