upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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