the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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