if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cat food counts as protein by the way
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize