Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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