Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
