yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
