That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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