So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
