It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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