I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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