Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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