I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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