There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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