Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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