Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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