So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
