Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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