The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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