but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can I color on your dick again?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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