I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
