Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
