batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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