It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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