there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
