Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
