She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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