can we get nightvision for the apartment?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
