you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?