i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
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My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?