I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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