i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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