Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.