Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...