who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
