dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
