Someone shit on the floor
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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