Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
