I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
