The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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