I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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