after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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