I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
