Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
