Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
