I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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